Another One Of Mike’s Idiosyncratic Movie Reviews

 

Another One Of:

Mike’s Idiosyncratic Movie Reviews

It’s Complicated

Two words keep coming to mind when I painfully think about this movie – miscasting and– vacuous.

It’s not that it’s not a good premise for a movie. I’m confident those who’s education involved the divorce alma mater have fantastical daydreams of an affair with their ex (unless they hate their ex – and then maybe anyway).  And I know the target market for this movie is essentially middle-aged women (there were tons in the theater, along w/ their dutiful dates or gal pals), but I couldn’t get it out of my mind how miscast this movie was – not only did nobody seemed to really connect – the actors all seemed like they were acting. Maybe if this movie had been made in1947 and black & white?

In what I consider a major tactical blunder, Meryl Streep, who is 60 and Alec Baldwin, who is 51 are supposed to have been married for nearly 20 years then divorced for 10. So, when he was 21 or 22 and she was 30 they tied the knot. And now, 30 years later… well… let’s just say you can definitely see the age difference. He looks my age and she looks halfway to my mother’s age – oh wait, that’s reality. I know, I know – it’s a double standard. “Why can men be hooked up w/ women 20 years their junior?” I can hear the howls from women everywhere (I’ve already gotten my ears verbally boxed by one and expect more), but c’mon, Meryl Streep looks old. I know I know, she’s so f’ing perfect, with a perfectly interior-decorated-little-house straight out of Crate & Barrel or William & Sonoma, on the perfect cliffs overlooking the perfect ocean scene w/ her perfect androgynous children. But I just couldn’t relate, and let’s just be frank – she’s no cougar. Though, a couple of her gal pals looked pretty ok – in guyspeak – “I’d do ‘em.”

So c’mon ladies, give me a break here – it’s not the age, it’s the attractiveness – i.e. I’ll take Jane Seymour, and somehow and rather embarrassingly, I’m even finding Marie Osmond quite attractive these days. So again, give me a break ladies. Gimme a MILF and I’ll lay off!

Steve Martin appeared as if he’d just woken up from plastic surgery – kind of groggy and tight – maybe his pathetic, “too nice of a guy” character is meant to look that way. The romantic scenes between him and Meryl seemed contrived – as if they were trying to copy Ghost w/ fully clad, older actors in a kitchen. Whatever.

Meryl’s children were a bunch of passive, do-gooders and seemed to be cast because of their sophisticated, flaccid-thinking, NPR lifestyle. Her son was probably gay (“not that there’s anything wrong w/ that”) as was her son-in-law which was kinda weird since he was married to her daughter (“not that there’s anything wrong w/ that”). Sorry John Krasinski, I have no idea if you’re gay or not (“not that there’s anything wrong w/ that”). The (fully adult?!?) children-in-the-bed scene was irksome for a Neanderthal like me. Their disappointment w/ their mother having an affair w/ their father was somehow disturbing? I don’t get it. I say, “go for it girl.” The scene was just plain goofy – they’re grownups for chrissakes. Listen, I’m a sentimental as the next guy – probably more so, as some who know me will surprisingly attest – but this was moronic and irritating. Incidentally, in a bit of a bright spot, the aforementioned son-in-law character did contribute mightily to the 11 minutes of actual comedy in the 118-minute film.

There was one other particularly bright spot, Alec Baldwin (other than his trophy wife who was not much of a trophy – my gawd, she’s gotta mouth the size of Michigan – there’s that “miscast’ word again) is apparently a bit of an intense a-hole in the personal sphere, but that same intensity seems to have been brought to his acting, and consequently garnered my grudging admiration. I would recommend he consider showing a bit less of his muscular, yet bloated and farmer-tanned body in the future. Those in Hollywood would call his baring of 99 percent of his skin “brave”, I call it un-strategic. His depiction of the character was excellent, though it kind of piddled off in the end. But it was the material not his portrayal. It’s too bad, if the rumor is true, that he’s no longer much interested in acting. I think he’ll be missed.

Women, particularly middle-aged and up, will probably like (maybe love?) this movie, but Meryl Streep now bores me –and I do not want to see her in (thankfully covered up) sex scenes. This movie couldn’t seem to make up its mind if it wanted to be a comedy or something poignant. And frankly, it could’ve been both if they’d not employed such lazy screenwriters.

I give it a 15/37 – which means wait for the DVD. Or if you must, go ahead and spend the $9.00 now – it’ll make your (female) significant-other happy – and frankly – it’s an easy win for you. Which some of us knuckleheads have learned throughout the years; those “easy wins” seem to be an excellent strategy for success on the amorous end of things.

Faking that you like the movie is entirely up to you. Sure, it’ll be victory, but based on a lie. I don’t mean to demean lies though, be they big or small, that’s also an excellent strategy for how a lot of people stay together.

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